During my quiet time this morning the Lord laid it on my heart that I needed to let you know some of the things that He has been teaching us over the past 9 months. I don't want to paint the picture that it's been a bed of roses but I also don't want to make you feel like it's been so difficult and discourage others from possibly following the Lord to the field. The truth is, sometimes it's hard to share the hardships. And yes, it's been hard. This has been one of the hardest times in our lives yet also the most rewarding. I hope you will see this and rejoice with us in what the Lord is doing in our lives.
A precious friend of mine is going through a very difficult period in her life. She has been amazingly transparent throughout the entire ordeal and has shared all aspects of this difficulty with those who read her blog. I have learned so much about the Lord and His strength and forgiving power through what she has shared. I'm amazed to see what the Lord is doing with her family through these trials. So in light of what she has taught me I feel the Lord showing me that I need to share our struggles and trials with you more, so that you will know how to pray and also see what the Lord is truly doing in our lives. It's sometimes so amazing that I'm speechless.
First- I want to make these posts short so I'll share a little at a time. I hope you will see the Lord's hand in all circumstances. This year has been a series of one trial after another. We met with difficulty from the very beginning and have had periods where it's been so bad that I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I've been on my knees crying on the kitchen floor or curled up in a corner of my bedroom with tears running down my face asking God why it has to be so hard. I don't pretend to try to understand the reasons why. It could be that the Lord is stripping us down so that He can build us back up into who HE wants us to be. Or it could be spiritual warfare. In my heart I know that it is a little of both. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything."
I remember one specific period where we had about 6 weeks straight of trial after trial. Some of the trials were small such as no fuel, no water, a broken washing machine, a flat tire, no electricity, or a stomach bug. But then some were huge such as a newborn who wouldn't eat and was loosing weight, finding out that our precious baby had a cleft palate that would require surgery in a year, etc. We were facing trial after trial. This was a very very difficult time in our lives. Daily I would wake up and say, "Today is going to be better". And then almost immediately something else would break or something else would go wrong. This went on for weeks. I would just repeat to myself, "consider it pure joy...consider it pure joy".
At the height of this difficult time I remember standing in my shower crying and singing praise songs to our Heavenly Father. I realized then that HE was teaching me so much. I realized that I'd learned to let go of so many earthly things and cling to HIM as my source of strength. I realized that I was at a place in my life where I was completely broken and dependent on HIM for EVERYTHING. I needed HIM to get me through the day, to provide our food, to give me the strength to breathe. Literally I was more dependent on HIM than I ever had been in my life. And I praised HIM for this. This is exactly where HE wanted me. This is where HE wants all of us.
I won't go into detail about all of the trials but I will say that our perspective on what we NEED has changed SIGNIFICANTLY since we arrived in Malawi. We have been many times without water, petrol (gas), power, a vehicle, certain food staples, etc. And it's ok. God is our strength and there is nothing that we are going to face that HE isn't going to give us the strength to get through. "Consider it pure joy..."
more to come...
Jill
4 comments:
Jill,
Thank you for your transparency. Many "missionaries" feel that they are not free to share their struggles, but it's such a vital part of what God is doing in us to accomplish what He is doing through us- it would be a shame to miss that part of the process. Through that process we can be a great encouragment to others - another facet of God's design.
When I was coming to Malawi, I took a very good 3 week course to prepare me for going to the field. One of the first things and pervading themes throughout the course was the issue of paradoxes we would face. "The best of times, the worst of times" scenarios that coinciding simultaneously. Boy, am I glad I knew to expect that I would live in a state of paradox on a daily basis! You're so right about it being HARD, but lessons learned, wisdom gleaned, growth and maturity blossoming, being stretched and strenthened - these are His Gifts to us.
Bless you and your precious family with ALL God has planned for you,
Roberta
Aww Jilly-bean... everyone knew it wouldn't be easy, but I'm still sad for all your troubles. You're doing good things and everyone back here in the states is very proud of your whole family. I hope things start to look up sooner, rather than later. xoxo Cyn
Just want you to know How much you are all in my prayers...I can't even pretend to know all you are going through, but I know (and you know!) that God is truly faithful. You are making an impact in the unseen world that only He can see, and it is no small thing. Someday it will all be so clear, but for now... praise God you are trusting Him to meet your needs. That is an amazing testimony. Love you all so much!
My precious friend, I pray for you and your sweet family so often. May God continue to be your All in all as you seek to glorify Him in all you do. I know He is working Romans 8:28 in your lives, though the good isn't always so easy to see. It is a privilege to be on this journey with you.
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