Romans 8:28

This post is bittersweet.  First, we absolutely adore all those in this photo!  These are some of the Malawians that amaze us with their love for Christ, their commitment to spreading the Gospel, and their ideas and drive to get His work done!  Wow!  What powerful witnesses they are!

I say this post is bittersweet because this was the night before our world at Rainbow began to come to a close.  These were the last instances of our "plan" for our life to live and work and love on the kids at Rainbow.  The next day, Sarah's birthday, we began to sense change was coming.  And literally two days later we were looking for other options as to where to live.  

But when these pictures were taken, all was right with the world and we were not aware that God was about to shake us up BIG TIME!

When this photo was taken we were in the process of plotting our fruit orchard, beginning intensive language learning from the lady across the street, and about to build a water tower.  

God works in His own timing.  But what we have learned is that even though the process to get us to where we are today was painful, it was so necessary!  We didn't realize or see how He could work "this" for good.  BUT HE DID!  

So these photos are special.  Bittersweet.  The end of one part of our life and the beginning of another.  And you know, the Malawians in this photo we used to only get to see once or twice every few months.  Now, we see them at least twice a week and are able to see their ministry and their work more!  For this and many other reasons I have lived  and felt the truth of my life verse: For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, those who are called according to his purpose.- Romans 8:28

Count it all joy....

The month of September is over.  Usually September is my favorite month.  In the States the weather of September is beautiful.  The heat of the Summer is starting to give way to Fall.  Football is in full swing!  And come on, being a Southerner means you live for the weekends and Football!  September is also a big birthday month for us.  My birthday and my son's birthday fall at the end of the month- back to back. We alway celebrate big on that weekend.  

This year September was different.  God decided that He had some difficult lessons to teach us this year.  He decided to strip us of everything we thought we knew, everything we thought we wanted, everything that was solid and sure in our lives and start us over again.  

The month of September has been very painful.  But through it all God has been my strength and my shield.  He has been my rock when my world was sinking.  He has been my firm foundation when the waters swept away my stability.  He has shown me that I can't rely on my strength.  His strength is what I need to get through each and every day.  

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation..- Isaiah 12:2

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him.  You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance.- Psalm 32:6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path straight.- Proverbs 3:5-6

Sometimes we go about life thinking we've got things figured out.  We think we know what God wants from us.  Serving and living on the mission field is no different.  When we came back from furlough things just went on like before.  We prayed for God to give us direction and then we proceeded to head in the direction we felt the Lord leading.  Sometimes God's ways are different than our ways.  His thoughts are different than our thoughts.  Sometimes He tells us this in a soft whisper.  Sometimes He yells it,  But when the Lord talks then we know to listen!  

God told us to move away from Rainbow.  There was no question about it.  It was the most painful thing we have ever been through in our entire life.  We were caught completely by surprise and had no idea.  We still struggle with the "why's" of our move.  Our world was Rainbow.  Our kids were settled into their life there.  Their friends and support system was the Rainbow community.  The major part of our work here in Malawi revolved around Rainbow.  It was home.  It was family.  It was our life.  It was stability in an unstable world.  God decided to move us away.  He told us in no uncertain terms that our time there was over much quicker than we ever dreamed. The grieving process that we went through this month can only be compared to that of someone grieving after death.  We were lost.  We couldn't function.  I'd wake up at night crying.  There were panic attacks.  Seriously, it's harder than anything we've ever gone through.  We were essentially homeless in a 3rd world country with 4 kids under the age of 12.  Our entire life had just been turned upside down on a moment's notice.  God told us to sell everything.  What we didn't sell we gave away.  This was God's way.  It was His will.  We were only to obey.  

But through it all God's strength was what got us through.  His hand reached down to comfort us and dry our tears.  His arm embraced us in a hug that soothed our scared minds.  When I couldn't think for myself he sent angels in the form of girlfriends who gave me verses to read and pray over.  

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints, according to the will of God. - Romans 8: 26-27

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anythings else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.- Romans 8: 35-39  

Dependency.  This is one of the main lessons that God has taught me since we began our service in Malawi.  Dependency.  There are times that dependency is bad.  There are ways to be unhealthily dependent.  We see this very much in the culture that we live in.  The culture that I come from prides itself on being independent.  We see dependency as a weakness.  And you know, it is.  Sometimes that weakness is harmful.  But sometimes, it's exactly the kind of weakness Christ desires.  

Through the past few years I have grown more dependent (weaker, if you will).  But in my weakness He is strong.  Christ has also taught me to become MORE dependent!  ON HIM!  Never before have I literally needed Christ in order to function.  Never before have I cried out to him for food, for water, for shelter, for the very air I breathe.  Never before have I been laid out on the ground crying out to Him for strength. Never have I been sent to my knees more. He has brought us to a place of total and complete dependence on Him and that is exactly where He has always wanted us.  

Trust.  Yes, this is another huge lesson that is very difficult to learn.  Trust.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. - Proverbs 3: 5-6  

I know I already quoted this verse in this post.  But there is power in the Word.  And this verse is full of power.  We have learned to trust God even when we don't see the path.  Even when it's night and we're lost, we trust Him to get us home.  He is faithful.  He never leaves us lost.  He always comes to us and searches for us.  He is so very faithful.  But in order to show His faithfulness we have to trust. In order to trust that means we have to be in a place where we are lost, confused, or scared.  That's where God has us right now.  It's a painful and yet beautiful place to be.  Our faith has been tested and we are more firm and more sure and more solid in our foundation now than we have EVER been before.  He is growing us.  Teaching us.  Showing us His way in His timing.  We only have to wait, and trust!

Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.- Psalm 27:14

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.- Isaiah 40: 31

The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.  The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks Him.- Lamentations 3: 24-25

Realize this, God knows you. Every single little part of you.  He knows the number of hairs on your head!  He knows when you are sad, depressed, hurt, lonely.  He knows your needs, your wants, and your desires.  He is there to bless, to heal, to guide, and to love.  Always!  He is a constant. NOTHING can separate us from the love of Christ.  

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.- Psalm 16:11

O Lord you have searched me and know me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. -Psalm 139

So that's where we are.  We are waiting on the Lord.  We have been through a huge fire and we have come out stronger in our faith, stronger in our marriage, stronger in our family.  We don't know what tomorrow holds. But we do know WHO holds tomorrow!  Our faith is in Christ alone and when He shows us His path we will follow.  We are stripped down. Bare.  We have had all we know and all we held dear taken away but it was for His glory and His good.  Now we wait for what is next.  

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn mod my salvation, my stronghold.- Psalm 18:2

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.- Psalm 4: 8

Since we have such a hope, we are very bold.- 2 Cor 3:12

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  If nay of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.- James 1:2-5

We seek wisdom, Lord.  We seek your path.  We seek to glorify you in our actions, words, and thoughts.  May our life be lived for you and you alone.  We look forward to what October will bring.

Weekend fun- and sad goodbyes

A few pictures from our weekend.  The kids all helping to store the maize harvest.

Note the large path that has been cleared through the maize!  They have been working very hard!  That entire area was full of maize just a couple of weeks ago.  Still a lot to do. 

Wakisa 

SM

The girls were dancing as they sifted!

CJ getting in on the action

Jeremy at work!

This past Sunday our family had yet another difficult goodbye!  Our wonderful friends, the Carlisles are moving back to the States.  They have been such joy and strength for us.  We will miss them dearly!  

J and Nathan

SM and Gwen

The men folk

Sweet Scharlie!  I love her so!

Living overseas is very difficult.  The Lord brings amazing people into your life and at the same time He takes amazing people away.  For now we are told to stay.  We will be praying for those who have been called on a different path.  We love you all!

Back in Malawi

Sorry for the length but it's been a crazy week!  Last Wed. morning at 6am Central time we left my Daddy's house and headed to the airport.  54 hours later we drove into Rainbow...back home!  

It was quite a trip.  First off, Joshua was amazing!  Thank you for the prayers.  We left New Orleans at 11 am and got to Chicago just after lunch.  We had a 7 hour layover in Chicago before our 13 1/2 hour flight to Qatar.  Thankfully Chicago had a children's play area so we let them run it out for about 2-3 hours!  We ate Chili's in the airport...our last American meal.  It turned out it would pretty much be the last time any of us ate until we arrived home.  The food on this airlines was that bad!  

The "long" flight was from Chicago to Doha, Qatar.  Thankfully it was a red-eye.  So after a little night-time medicine for Joshua (I really THINK we heard him sniffle before the flight so he needed that nighttime medicine, right? ;)  )  everyone pretty much passed out on the flight, except for me.  I just can't sleep on airplanes.  The bad thing was, we left Chicago at 11pm and flew directly into the new day.  We only had about an hour of nighttime.  

We arrived in Doha at nighttime as well (due to the time change) and had another 7 hour layover.  This was NOT a good layover.  The airport in Doha is extremely small for the amount of flights and passengers that come through it.  It was very crowded and busy.  7 hours there went by so slowly.  Then the flight leaving was late....which made us late getting us into Johannesburg.  We landed in Joburg with 45 minutes to get to our next (and final) flight.  After two days of traveling we wanted nothing more than to get home!  PLUS: the next flight out of Joburg on that airlines was Sunday.  We'd have to wait 2 days in a hotel with no baggage if we missed it.  Of course this is what we worried about the entire flight.  We knew it would be close.  No matter how many times we tried to give it to the Lord (and yes He did tell us He had it under control) we kept taking it back and worrying.  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

So when we arrived at Joburg we rushed off the plane.  Imagine sitting at the back of a 777...with 6 people in your party and all the bags you're carrying on.  We pushed and shoved and asked for forgiveness along the way.  We even charged through first class because they were leisurely taking their time getting off the plane and hadn't opened the curtain for the rest of the plane yet.  We got someone to take us to the front of the line at immigration and tipped him well.  We literally ran to the airline desk with 30 minutes to spare before our next flight.  Nope.  She wasn't letting us on!  It was 9:27am for a 10am flight and she wouldn't let us board.  I just wanted to cry!  Two days worth of hotels?  Are you serious?  When we're this close??  

But of course God was all over it.  Apparently Malawian Airlines (an airlines that had gone out of business before we even arrived in Malawi) was back up and running using Ethiopian Airlines old jets.  They had daily late afternoon flights.  These flights just started two months ago!  Seriously?  Wow God!  What a blessing!  

So we spent two hours at the ticket counter getting our tickets transferred from South African Airlines (whom I'm still ticked at) to Ethiopian/Malawian Airlines.  And all of this had to be done through Qatar because it was their fault we were late and they were paying for the changes.  Awesome!  

Later that afternoon we were in the skies once again- exhausted beyond measure- on our way home!  We made it safely even though all of our bags got left behind in Joburg.  We arrived to a very loving welcome and lots of cheers and hugs from the Rainbow kids!  What a joy to be home!

For the past 5 days we have done NOTHING but clean.  Yes, we put up everything we could and covered everything with sheets but those barriers did nothing to stop 5 months of African dirt from creeping onto every imaginable surface of our house.  All clothes, sheets, and towels have had to be washed (and our washing machine is broken so we're toting it across the complex to another machine).  All dishes, pots, and pans have to be washed!  Even the walls and floors have to be scrubbed.  

Yesterday was the worst!  As we were ALMOST done with all of the dishes in the kitchen we opened the last cabinet to pull everything out.  That's where they were.  A nest of roaches and mice. For the next hour we chased, killed, sprayed, and caught everything that moved.  At the end all of our newly cleaned dishes that we'd just spent days on...were covered in Doom (bug spray).  All cabinets were emptied and Jeremy spent the rest of the day caulking cracks, drilling into walls and floors to put termite and bug spray in the holes, and basically killing everything.  

Today I woke up and wanted to cry.  It felt like I was starting over again.  After 4 days of cleaning we were doing it all over again.  But 4 of the Rainbow girls helped out and we have JUST NOW got it all done!  The kitchen is cleaned and the clothes are...well, I've still got a ton to wash but I'm too tired to walk across the complex to the machine.  So it will have to wait.  

In all, we are very happy...yet very tired.  It's good to be home and we can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us!  It must be something pretty amazing because Satan seems to be trying to keep us down! Thankfully Christ's strength is all I need!  To God be the glory!

Back In Malawi

Sorry for the length but it's been a crazy week!  Last Wed. morning at 6am Central time we left my Daddy's house and headed to the airport.  54 hours later we drove into Rainbow...back home!  

It was quite a trip.  First off, Joshua was amazing!  Thank you for the prayers.  We left New Orleans at 11 am and got to Chicago just after lunch.  We had a 7 hour layover in Chicago before our 13 1/2 hour flight to Qatar.  Thankfully Chicago had a children's play area so we let them run it out for about 2-3 hours!  We ate Chili's in the airport...our last American meal.  It turned out it would pretty much be the last time any of us ate until we arrived home.  The food on this airlines was that bad!  

The "long" flight was from Chicago to Doha, Qatar.  Thankfully it was a red-eye.  So after a little night-time medicine for Joshua (I really THINK we heard him sniffle before the flight so he needed that nighttime medicine, right? ;)  )  everyone pretty much passed out on the flight, except for me.  I just can't sleep on airplanes.  The bad thing was, we left Chicago at 11pm and flew directly into the new day.  We only had about an hour of nighttime.  

We arrived in Doha at nighttime as well (due to the time change) and had another 7 hour layover.  This was NOT a good layover.  The airport in Doha is extremely small for the amount of flights and passengers that come through it.  It was very crowded and busy.  7 hours there went by so slowly.  Then the flight leaving was late....which made us late getting us into Johannesburg.  We landed in Joburg with 45 minutes to get to our next (and final) flight.  After two days of traveling we wanted nothing more than to get home!  PLUS: the next flight out of Joburg on that airlines was Sunday.  We'd have to wait 2 days in a hotel with no baggage if we missed it.  Of course this is what we worried about the entire flight.  We knew it would be close.  No matter how many times we tried to give it to the Lord (and yes He did tell us He had it under control) we kept taking it back and worrying.  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

So when we arrived at Joburg we rushed off the plane.  Imagine sitting at the back of a 777...with 6 people in your party and all the bags you're carrying on.  We pushed and shoved and asked for forgiveness along the way.  We even charged through first class because they were leisurely taking their time getting off the plane and hadn't opened the curtain for the rest of the plane yet.  We got someone to take us to the front of the line at immigration and tipped him well.  We literally ran to the airline desk with 30 minutes to spare before our next flight.  Nope.  She wasn't letting us on!  It was 9:27am for a 10am flight and she wouldn't let us board.  I just wanted to cry!  Two days worth of hotels?  Are you serious?  When we're this close??  

But of course God was all over it.  Apparently Malawian Airlines (an airlines that had gone out of business before we even arrived in Malawi) was back up and running using Ethiopian Airlines old jets.  They had daily late afternoon flights.  These flights just started two months ago!  Seriously?  Wow God!  What a blessing!  

So we spent two hours at the ticket counter getting our tickets transferred from South African Airlines (whom I'm still ticked at) to Ethiopian/Malawian Airlines.  And all of this had to be done through Qatar because it was their fault we were late and they were paying for the changes.  Awesome!  

Later that afternoon we were in the skies once again- exhausted beyond measure- on our way home!  We made it safely even though all of our bags got left behind in Joburg.  We arrived to a very loving welcome and lots of cheers and hugs from the Rainbow kids!  What a joy to be home!

For the past 5 days we have done NOTHING but clean.  Yes, we put up everything we could and covered everything with sheets but those barriers did nothing to stop 5 months of African dirt from creeping onto every imaginable surface of our house.  All clothes, sheets, and towels have had to be washed (and our washing machine is broken so we're toting it across the complex to another machine).  All dishes, pots, and pans have to be washed!  Even the walls and floors have to be scrubbed.  

Yesterday was the worst!  As we were ALMOST done with all of the dishes in the kitchen we opened the last cabinet to pull everything out.  That's where they were.  A nest of roaches and mice. For the next hour we chased, killed, sprayed, and caught everything that moved.  At the end all of our newly cleaned dishes that we'd just spent days on...were covered in Doom (bug spray).  All cabinets were emptied and Jeremy spent the rest of the day caulking cracks, drilling into walls and floors to put termite and bug spray in the holes, and basically killing everything.  

Today I woke up and wanted to cry.  It felt like I was starting over again.  After 4 days of cleaning we were doing it all over again.  But 4 of the Rainbow girls helped out and we have JUST NOW got it all done!  The kitchen is cleaned and the clothes are...well, I've still got a ton to wash but I'm too tired to walk across the complex to the machine.  So it will have to wait.  

In all, we are very happy...yet very tired.  It's good to be home and we can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us!  It must be something pretty amazing because Satan seems to be trying to keep us down! Thankfully Christ's strength is all I need!  To God be the glory!

"Consider it pure joy..."

During my quiet time this morning the Lord laid it on my heart that I needed to let you know some of the things that He has been teaching us over the past 9 months.  I don't want to paint the picture that it's been a bed of roses but I also don't want to make you feel like it's been so difficult and discourage others from possibly following the Lord to the field.  The truth is, sometimes it's hard to share the hardships.  And yes, it's been hard.  This has been one of the hardest times in our lives yet also the most rewarding.  I hope you will see this and rejoice with us in what the Lord is doing in our lives.

A precious friend of mine is going through a very difficult period in her life.  She has been amazingly transparent throughout the entire ordeal and has shared all aspects of this difficulty with those who read her blog.  I have learned so much about the Lord and His strength and forgiving power through what she has shared.  I'm amazed to see what the Lord is doing with her family through these trials.  So in light of what she has taught me I feel the Lord showing me that I need to share our struggles and trials with you more, so that you will know how to pray and also see what the Lord is truly doing in our lives.  It's sometimes so amazing that I'm speechless.

First- I want to make these posts short so I'll share a little at a time. I hope you will see the Lord's hand in all circumstances.  This year has been a series of one trial after another.  We met with difficulty from the very beginning and have had periods where it's been so bad that I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I've been on my knees crying on the kitchen floor or curled up in a corner of my bedroom with tears running down my face asking God why it has to be so hard.  I don't pretend to try to understand the reasons why.  It could be that the Lord is stripping us down so that He can build us back up into who HE wants us to be.  Or it could be spiritual warfare.  In my heart I know that it is a little of both.  James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything."

I remember one specific period where we had about 6 weeks straight of trial after trial.  Some of the trials were small such as no fuel, no water, a broken washing machine, a flat tire, no electricity,  or a stomach bug.  But then some were huge such as a newborn who wouldn't eat and was loosing weight, finding out that our precious baby had a cleft palate that would require surgery in a year, etc.  We were facing trial after trial.  This was a very very difficult time in our lives.  Daily I would wake up and say, "Today is going to be better".  And then almost immediately something else would break or something else would go wrong.  This went on for weeks.  I would just repeat to myself, "consider it pure joy...consider it pure joy".

At the height of this difficult time I remember standing in my shower crying and singing praise songs to our Heavenly Father.  I realized then that HE was teaching me so much.  I realized that I'd learned to let go of so many earthly things and cling to HIM as my source of strength.  I realized that I was at a place in my life where I was completely broken and dependent on HIM for EVERYTHING.  I needed HIM to get me through the day, to provide our food, to give me the strength to breathe.  Literally I was more dependent on HIM than I ever had been in my life.  And I praised HIM for this.  This is exactly where HE wanted me.  This is where HE wants all of us.

I won't go into detail about all of the trials but I will say that our perspective on what we NEED has changed SIGNIFICANTLY since we arrived in Malawi.  We have been many times without water, petrol (gas), power, a vehicle, certain food staples, etc.  And it's ok.  God is our strength and there is nothing that we are going to face that HE isn't going to give us the strength to get through.  "Consider it pure joy..."

more to come...

Jill