We have been home on furlough for about three months now. There are two months left before we return to the mission field. We have been enjoying our time with family, the comforts of our home and the love of our friends. We love the fact that we can visit Target and Chick-fil-A whenever we want. We love that our power and water are NEVER off. We love the easy life that most take for granted living in America.
Do we miss Malawi? YES! We miss our ministry, we miss our friends, we miss the Rainbow kids who have become our adopted children (all 52 of them). We cry as we learn that two have broken arms, one is being disrespectful, one is dealing with medical issues that are new and scary. It's hard being away from them!
We miss the knocks on the door before we've even gotten out of bed. We miss the chance to minister to those in need, those who have no other choice but to ask for help. We miss seeing the obvious work that the Lord is doing through our amazing friends and the ministries that they are starting! And yes, we even miss the occasional power outage. Times like that, when all electronics and lights are off, and we sit around in the candlelight as a family....those are times when something magical can happen.
I was recently feeling conflicted about how I feel being back in America. I do miss Malawi. But I also love being in America. I didn't want to, honestly. I wanted to long for return to Malawi. I wanted to be disgusted at the prosperity and ease and overindulgance of life here. But I'm not. There are times when I roll my eyes as I listen to the gripes of some of the western world problems. There are moments when I see the way Satan is attacking my homeland with such a passion that I cringe. There is a hidden darkness that is unbearable and it's getting larger. But for the most part I'm very comfortable and happy. Isn't that wrong? Shouldn't I be disgusted? Shouldn't I be ready to change our plane tickets and get back to the work the Lord has called us to in Malawi?
I emailed a friend and fellow missionary who's been on the field much longer than we have. She encouraged me in so many ways. She said she dealt with the same feelings on her first furlough. Based on what others had told her she expected to feel bitterness and resentment for the "easy" life. She felt guilty for enjoying her time in America. But God showed her that He had them in that place for a season. And that loving being where God had planted them was ok, no matter where it was.
I have two homes. And I love them both equally. God has called us to serve in Malawi for a time. How long? Only God knows. But I love Malawi and I love our work there. I love it with a passion. I also love my home here in Mississippi. I love our church and our friends. I love the fact that we can get to all of our family within 4 hours. I love our country and I cried when the National Anthem was sung at the Superbowl last night.
You know, I've realized that it's ok to love both places. This is God's plan for us at this moment and we are to be sensitive to where He has us right now! We aren't to long for our other home here on Earth. We are to long for our heavenly home! And when it's time to return to the mission field in Malawi we will be ready. God will have us prepared and rested. For now we rest in the fact that we are in His will, in His place for us, and that we are here for a reason. May we be sensitive to the ministry God has planned for us in both places. May we follow His will for us daily. And may we rest in comfort knowing that He is a God who loves us, protects us, and has our future mapped out every moment.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Jill
